I'll try

I've forgotten you
And remembered you
And forgotten you.
And I couldn't stop myself from falling over you again and again.
Even when I try not to.
Even when I knew you wouldn't fall for me.

I tried.
And failed.                  
And I don't know what else to do.
Everything I did only makes it harder.
Until now.
At least it would be easier.

I will stop.
Everything.
I wont contact you anymore.
And if you truly care for me,

Help me.

Help me bury you deep in my mind.
Help me leave you as an echo.
An echo that will fade away.
And someday maybe we will meet again.
And maybe I have already lost this feeling at that time.
Then I will not be burden by this.
Maybe we could start over then.
As friends.
Nothing more.

Or maybe we will never see each other again.
And I will fight this feeling everyday.
And pushing you away every time you resurface.
So that I may fight again tomorrow.
And the day after.
And the day after.
Until the day I no longer couldn't.

I am sorry for being selfish.
Maybe this will mean something to you.
Maybe you will discard this letter and carry on with your live.
Whichever it is, its up to you.        
And I will stick to my decision        
For whats best for me.
Therefore I will leave on a more friendly note.

Thank you for all the years of our friendship.
Forgive me for every mean words and
Wrong doings that I have done to you
Please don't tell our friends what or why i did this.  
I will try to limit my time with them.  
So you would have more without them being awkward.

And if I wont see you again, I hope this words will suffice.
Certain things in life you cannot control.
This being the very first example.
But I'll try

Phone Call

Life away from home is hard.
Especially when youre alone.
With no friends.
Familiar faces.

Even after making new friends.
Youll always be looking out.
Waiting for the phone to ring.
A news from home.
Joy to the ears.

Especially from that one person.
Who meant more that you could say.
Whose heart heavied the most.
For you to leave behind.
And you stayed up talking to them.  
Neither wanted to say goodbye.

So you just talks and talks.
Until you runs out of things to talks.
And you just stay there.
Feeling each others presence.
Even few miles apart.
Yet at that moment.
At that instance.
You are together.

civilization

Civilized.
Advanced.
Developed
Another word for uniform.

A civilized country.
Robbed of its uniqueness.
Its cultures lost.
Defined only by its uniformity.

Whole nation full of mind.
Forced to think in one way.
To never deviate.
In fear of exile.
Of poverty.
But poverty is liberty.
Liberty to thrive.
To lead.
Not follow.

In a fully advanced world.
There are no culture diversity.
No different accent.
No vast tradition.
Only singularity.
Simple, narrow minded.
No identity.

Why did people prefer civilization?
I haven't had the slightest idea.

Then and now

Then i was happy.
I was free.
I was flying.                                    
Breezing through with out a care.  
Never wanting to land.
Never wanting to leave.  

Now i am not.
I am bound.
I am grounded.
Kept yanking my chains.
Kept pulling out.
Kept trying to vacate.
 
Then i was appreciated.
Aside people i cared about.
Aside people i know.
Then i was together.                                      

Now i am neglected.  
Aside strangers.
All around me.
Now i am alone.
 
Then i was making memories.
The very best of them.
Now i am forgetting them.
Forgetting this nightmare

Then i was satiated.
Relished.
Full of enjoyment.
Now i am hollowed.
Gauged out.
Left to fade.

Between then and now.
Then.
Always.

Anywhere

I dont like it here.
Its dark.
And gloomy.
I dont want to be here.

I dont like it here.
There are monsters nearby.
They wear fake masks.
And they have fake voices.
Try to show that they are full of life.
But deep down the re empty.
Nothing but shells.

I dont like it here.
There are better moments.
Better companion.
Better friends.
Why am i not with them?

I dont like it here.
I wish i was with them.
I wish i was anywhere.
Anywhere but here.

Our Moments.

Moments defines us.
The sad ones.
The happy ones.
They molded us into what we are.
They shaped us into beings.
And the best of them are hard to came by.

The moment in the river.
Where we played.
And we laughed.
Just the best.

The moment on the beach.
Under the starry night.
On the crib nettings.
Breeze of the winds.
Accompanied by friends.
By loved ones.

And we talked.
And we play.
And we teased.
Like there are no worries.
Like we have no care for the world.

The best moments are rare.
The moments we are together.
They never really leave.
They stayed in our memories.
Our moments.

Those will never be forgotten.
Till the day I die.
I would never forget.
That I have such amazing friends.
Because you guys are my moments.
Because you guys defines me.

Rest Now

Rest now.
You have been brave.  
You fought for so long.
Fallen yet you rise back up.
Time and time again.
You have prove your worthiness.
You may not be a warrior.
But you are a hero.

Rest now.  
You have earned it.
A battle is never lost until we quit.
And not even a whimper escaped from your mouth.              
Frowns on your brow but still you stay.
Still you fight.

Rest now.
Your battles are over.
Wear your scars with pride.
Held your chest up high.
Its your rights.
You are among champions.

Rest now.
Place your armor.
Lift your helmet.
The times of war is over.
The pains have gone away.
You dont have to feel it ever again.

Rest now.
Dawn is almost upon us.
It has been a long and weary night.
A new day awaits you.
Enjoy it.

Rest now.
Relish your freedom.
We'll be joining you soon.
Rest now.

~for her~

Water

I am water. 

Flowing in a river downstream. 

Following the path that I fall upon. 

Through the cracks and crevices. 

Trying desperately to return. 

To return to the ocean. 

To join the other. 

To never be alone again.

I am water. 

Streaming along the path others has taken before. 

Along the path others has set upon me. 

To follow and to never deviate. 

Or break free and got lost. 

Lost away from home.

I am water. 

Thrusts and turns and fall painfully. 

Choked yet I still flow. 

Breaks yet I still run. 

To reach the ocean full of others.

I am water. 

Finally reaching the estuary. 

Finally joining the other. 

Finally free from isolation.

I am water.

In the ocean.

Along the current.

Where they want me to be.

Fitting in. 

Here, I am the same.

Here, I do not stand out.

Here, I am indifferent.

I am water.

And I have never been so alone. 

...

It’s raining again. It’s been going on for three days now. All sunny up until noon, then pouring down by the evening. I didn’t go to work today. The guys give me a few days off after ... you know. 

I made a couple of hot chocolates. Do you remember the one you loved? Hot chocolates with some cream on top finished with a marshmallow? I made two of them. Placed one by your bedside. Hoping you would come back. Hoping none of this is really. Just a dream.

I layed in bed all evening. Covered until my neck. The blanket doesn’t feel right. The warmth doesn’t feel right. Not without you beside me. I don’t know how I’ve lived all those years before I met you.

How could you leave me?! All alone in this world? The first day you were gone, it strike me like a punch in the guts. My world shatters. You are the only one who could understood me and still loved me. And no one could replace that.

Well. I guess you couldn’t help it. No matter how much you wished to stay, the decisions was not in your hand. Nor mine. I just wished I could spent more time with you.

Your parent called. They asked me to come home and spend the rest of my break with them. Maybe I will though. 

‘It was hard for all of us’ your mother said. You depart so sudden. What would I do without you?

I will still hold on to the promise i made back in the hospital. That I would not follow you if you leave. That I would try to live out my life. So I will. I will try to pick up the pieces. Join them together and hold on. But, without you, I don’t think I will get that far.

Life is harsh. There was no one to blame for this. The doctors did their best. Only it was your time to go. So, I’ll be waiting down here. Trying to live my remaining life. Waiting for my turn. And then I will join you. Just you wait. 

The Cost of Peace

　　In the presences of a catastrophe people frantically search for a light of hope. No matter how much of a glimmer it is. It falls, the responsibility, to the one around them to console them. To stick together. To pull through.
　　
　　Give them the right encouragement, any human can rise up to the occasion that will do you wonders. It make’s us ask ourselves, what are we made of? What are humans made of? Is it love? Is it compassion? Is it the ability to tolerate even the highest form of destruction and still rise up?
　　
　　It is our strength. Our strength in unity. Alone, we are weak. Undefended. Vulnerable. But together? Together we are strong. We are titans. Mights of our strength combined, making us invincible.
　　
　　When someone falls, we help them rise up. We do not kick them down. We do not leave them wounded. We believe in them. We fight for them. Tooth to nails. Though we do not have claws, we will still strike.
　　
　　But the only problem is, who is the enemy? Who do we fight? Who do we throw ourselves at in order to save our comrades? Without a common enemy, all humanity will not stand together. We need a villain.
　　
　　We need someone to strike first. We need someone to draw the first blood. In order for us to come together and retaliate. We need someone that they would do everything in their power to vanquish. Together.
　　
　　This is why these events have unfolded. If this letter is received, know that it is not of our intention to defy our kind. It is out of necessity. The need for us to come together. To rise up and unite.
　　
　　That is why some of us has took the role of the villains. Everyone wants to be batman. No one wants to be the joker. Not even us.
　　
　　Should this letter have passed to you, now you know why what happens, happens. And I hope, for the best interest of all mankind, that you burn it. Destroy every copy you have of it. Continue with your life. And pray that none shall know.
　　
　　We accept our doings as wrong. But given any chance, we will still choose this path. It is a heavy price to pay. The cost of peace.

Delete and exit group

　　In Whatsapp, there is a feature call group chatting where a group of people who have a Whatsapp account could chat together with other people in this group.
　　
　　When admitting into a new school or college or university, we get to meet our new classmates. We get together. We ge to know each other. We exchange contact details. To make it easier for us to contact one another.
　　
　　Then, we discovered that most of our classmate have Whatsapp account. So we create a group chat for us. To make to easier for us to rely messages to our classmate. About canceled class. Assignment posted. Homeworks due.
　　
　　Then, we become closer to each other. Suddenly, this group became our sanctuary. Our place of meet. Even though we are thousands mile apart, we are still together.
　　
　　A place of information suddenly became a place of happiness. We still use the group chat to rely information. But we used them for another reason too. We use them to talk to each other.
　　
　　We don’t need to meet with each other. Just with an internet connection, we are together. We chatted as if we are side by side. We laugh. We jokes. We make fun of each other. We became close. Through the group chat.
　　
　　As the days passes by. Months. Suddenly we have graduated. We did n’t have to attend classes together. We didn’t have to meet each other anymore. Of course there will be goodbyes. Tears. Promises not to forget about each others.
　　
　　And the groups are still chatty as per usual. For a while. Then, it slows down. We drifted apart. We loss track of each other. We forgotten each other.
　　
　　There are some who would try to revive the group. But that stop when we get into another college. Another university. Another school. And we started having new friends. New classmate.
　　
　　The group chat becomes a barren wasteland. With no use, one by one, people started to leave. And at last, the only one remaining participant was you. We started to wonder what went wrong.

 　　The only thing left to do is to click on the button. Everything posted will be gone. Every chat will be deleted. Every memories will be replaced. Delete and exit group.
　　

Missing

　　On a Saturday morning in the year 1996, a quiet town was shock with the news of a dead body found in the local park. The body was ordinary except for one thing. It was missing its heart. This case struck the local sheriff dumbfound as there were similar cases when two bodies were found on different part of the same park in one week. Both bodies are missing a liver and the lungs.

　　The sheriff, thinking that it was some kind of a demonic ritual by a cult, dismissed the case, letting it gather dusts in the cold case department. But the local detective in charge couldn't quite let go of it. He was determined to catch the killer.

　　Believing that he could catch the killer himself, he waited at the park in hiding. For the first and second day, he was to no avail ever closer. But the third day, he found something disturbing. A figure limping towards a big tree and climbed upon it.
　　
　　There, the figure waited until it was nearly dawn, climbed down and walk away. He tries to follow the figure, but since its the fall, the sound of dead leaves crackled under his footstep. This notifies the figure which made it ran away. He could n’t catch up.
　　
　　The detective came up with a plan. To wait atop a tree which is on the way of the figure when he walk away. This time, the figure moved much faster without it’s limp. It goes up the same tree and waited there. Since the view of the tree braches was blocked, the detective assumed that it is already there and waited.
　　
　　Suddenly, he heard a noise coming above him. He looked up and to his horror, saw the figure staring right at him. It’s face is distorted with stitches everywhere like it was a few different parts of different faces sewed together, imbuing an ugly image.
　　
　　The sight of the unholy creature startled him so much that he could n’t even scream. It’s face came closer to him. Smiling, it says,’I could use a new kidney’.
　　
　　The next morning, a body of the local detective was found under the tree from where he was hiding. The body was ordinary except for the organs missing. It was missing both of it’s kidney.

Blood flower

　　There was a legend. A story. Told by the elders. Old folks. Speaking of a flower. That blooms atop a mountain. As high as the skies itself. A flower that is said to be the cure of all diseases and sickness. Bringer of wealth and health. Blood flower.
　　
　　Named for the many lives died trying to reach for the flower. For the blood spilled to reach happiness. But never weavers the hearts of the seekers. They try and try again. Many who failed and survived tried their luck again and again until death took them for itself.
　　
　　This is not a story of happiness and joy. A young man tries to reach for the flower. Months he had trained himself until the day had come when the temperature was at the least cool it could get all years.
　　
　　Packed with his supplements, he sets off his journey with one goal in his mind. To have the wealth to marry his sweetheart back home. At the bottom of the mountain, he saw a crowd gathered.
　　
　　Some were here to climb. Some were to cheer for others. At dawn, the climbers sets of in a mad race to the flower. As do the young man. They climb and climb. Stepping and kicking on others, ignoring anyone else. For the seekers of the flower were desperate people.
　　
　　By the time dusk has arrive, their numbers have dwindle to a quarter of the originals. Only about twenty climbers remained. The rest half either fallen to death or survived to try another day.
　　
　　They set up camp and waited for the dawn of a new day arrived. They only came halfway from the peak. The young man set up camp beside a man in his mid forties. They became acquainted.
　　
　　The young man learned that this man is a father who is trying for the flower to heal his dying daughter. Out of pity, he agreed to help each other out and try to split the flower in a way that would profit the both once they have it.
　　
　　When the next day arrived, they started climbing. The frenzy were dialed down but mad still. People pushing each others, trying to reach the peak. Only the young man and his acquaintance help each other as agreed. They picked each other when the other is down. They supported each other until they make it to the top.
　　
　　There, they met up a ledge. By this time, they are the only two people left. The rest have all fallen. The ledge was as high as two adult people. They decided that the young man should support as his acquaintance climb the ledge.
　　
　　After a short while, the acquaintance came down from the ledge. He claimed that there is no flower of any sort up there. That there were only white snow from the cold.
　　
　　Thinking that he was lying to keep the flower to himself, the young man picks up a rock and bashed it to the man’s head when he was looking away. He then repeatedly smite the rock to the mans until his head are smashed and his blood are all over the young mans hand.
　　
　　The young man searches for the flower from the man, but could found non. Thinking that he must left the flower to pick it up later, he pushed the man’s body against the ledger and tries to climbed up.
　　
　　After several attempts, he succeed. But to his horror, there was nothing up there. Just snow. Snow everywhere. He searched everywhere until he realized that the man was telling the truth.
　　
　　With no way down, because the mans body have slid down from his attempt to climb the ledge, he realized that the flower was a fairytale. Realizing his mistake, and with no way down except to fall, he tore a piece of clothing and write on it ‘no flower. Don’t come up’.
　　
　　He slipped the note in his pocket, regretting his mistake, he closed his eyes and began to jump. On his way down, the note slipped out of his pocket without him noticing and fell on the mountain where snow covered it, lost forever.
　　
　　The impact killed him immediately. The crowd waiting down just dismiss him as another fallen climber and place his body among the others that have failed. They do not know that there is no flower. The blood flower does n’t exist. Just an old stupid belief. There is only blood.
　　

　　

We Are The Old Humans

　　We are the old humans. The experienced ones. We know how to operates the world. And we used it for our personal gains. Not knowing the consequences that has yet to come.
　　We are the old humans. The forgotten ones. We are the ones with the better mind. And we forgot how to used them not just for ourself. And forgot to advances the world with us.
　　We are the old humans. The diligent ones. We work hard to improve ourself as a community. Not caring about the family we left behind. Left them to fend themself on their own.
　　We are the old humans. The dependent ones. Always afraid of death. Always looking for a way to cheat them. And failing every time. But trying still. Because we are clingy.
　　We need to die. Nature will find a way. Be careful for your whole life. Nature will still find a way to kill you. We die to make way for the next generation. The new humans.
　　We are the old humans. The tired ones. And we need to go. We have done enough. It’s time for the new ones to take over. To lead them self better. And to learn from our mistakes. We are the old humans. And we are done.

A Farewell Letter

       You are my heart. You are my soul. Those are the words that i could not possibly express towards you. My tongue betrays me whenever my heart gathered the courage to say it. And my heart failed me too much time.
　　
　　The heart is a fragile thing. It can be molded, moulten, strengthen to the very limit. But it can easily be broken with beauty. Beauty that were expressed by you. Beauty in your eyes, your smile.
　　
　　I know that you had many friends. Many companions to last a lifetime or two. Not enough space for me. But, deep down, i craved for a spot in your heart. Because you always have been in mine.
　　
　　He was n’t a good man. He does n’t love you. Not the way i did. Never close. But i never had the guts to tell you that. Although whenever i tried, you never listened. You were mad in love. Just not with me.
　　
　　When i received the invitation, i was devastated. Heart-broken. To the very limit and beyond if ever possible for my heart. I cried for days. But still managed a smile just for you. Even though the man beside you was not me.
　　
　　Yet life still manage to find a way to break my heart even more. The cancellation overjoyed me. I saw a glimmer of hope. He betrays you. You come to me for comfort. I do my very best for you.
　　
　　I nurtured you. Help you get up on your feet. Help you to forget him. But not with me. Never with me. I just want you to figure it out by yourself. I was stupid. I was naive. I should have just say it to you. The words that you wanted to hear from me. You are my heart. You are my soul. But you are not mine. Because of my mistake.
　　
　　Within months, you found yourself another man. A man with courage to express the words for which I never expressed. I thought i had time. When you came to me with the news, you were expecting something. But as stupid as I am, I never did gave you what you want.
　　
　　The second invitation came. I did n’t read it. Never could gather the courage. Not again. The move did n’t really help. The new air does n’t do much good to this mind. Because everywhere i see reminded me of you.
　　
　　The sight of the pavement reminds me of our little stroll every Thursday evening in the park. The smell of lavender reminds me of your hair shampoo. I never could get you out of my mind. The hold you have on me is too strong. The knots are to tight for me to break.
　　
　　I guess this was inevitable. I could not enjoy anything in life anymore. Not without hurting my self. Better to end it here. If this note came to you as an inconvenience, forgive me. I never could get the timing right.
　　
　　I hope you are happy. I really do wish that for you. From the bottom of my heart. But if i may trouble you with one question. One last query before i bid you farewell. If I had been brave enough, if I had the courage to tell you that i loved you, would you love me back? Cause i think i know the answer

of monsters and mayhem

　　Let me indulge you with a tale. Of monsters and mayhem. Of knights and dragons. Of all of the dreams that are both possible and impossible. Of angels and demons. Battling between a heart of a mortal.
　　
　　A tale of life. A never ending story. Of courage and bravery. Of honor and dignity. Of wickedness and cruelty. Of poems and beauty. Expressed in a few paragraphs. Yielding a canvas of elegancy.
　　
　　A warrior can drew his blade. An artist can strikes his brush. A carpenter can hammers his wood. A gardener can trims his hedge. But a writer. A writer can fashion a blade. A writer can paint an art. A writer can create masterpieces. A writer can construct an Eden. A writer can type.
　　
　　In his typing is a world. A world of his doing. A world that he fabricate just from a combination of letters. A world within his mind. Expressed onto pages. Imprinted to his readers. And suddenly they are in his world.
　　
　　In his mind, they see a garden. With hills reaching the blue sky. With tall grasses swarming the field. And a lonesome tree stood magnificently in the center of it all. Providing shade for the children playing underneath.
　　
　　They see the children hopping around the tree. Singing merry songs. And they hear these merry songs. And the children’s laughter fill the air. And the wind breezing through the field, and they feel the wind on their skin. Blowing gently on their face.
　　
　　These are what writers could do. A writer could produce sound in silence without any vibration. A writer could create colors out of black and white. A writer could pull his reader into his world within only one page.
　　
　　 A writer can make you believe.